Hangar 18

Video Vindication - DJ Pawl's Think Big - A Video About the Election of President Obama

defcon — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 14:14:23 -0500

Dear Alasky Waxes Poetic

defcon — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 11:53:43 -0500

I’ve never had a plan. I’ve pretty much never look much further ahead than next week. My whole life has been a series of coincidences that just sort of worked out. It’s probably not the most effective way to live one’s life but it’s really all I know. I think I got it from my father. My mother is definitely more rigid in her ways and practical in her approach to life.

When I first told my mom that I got a record deal and was going to quit my job the first thing she said was ‘What about health insurance?’ I remember being pissed about that question. In hindsight it seems logical, but like I said I don’t really have a plan and that includes health insurance.

I never planned on going to college I figured I would run a beer route like my father did. I never planned to work in advertising it just happened because after college I temped at an advertising agency and the guy I worked for happened to know who Atoms Family was. I never planned on rapping for a living, I just sort of got lucky and ended up in a scene and being pretty good at it. Well I guess that last part is debatable. I don’t plan on this blog having a point I’m just writing some shit that’s on my mind and maybe you can relate to it maybe you can’t.

Obviously all of those things attracted me to them for some reason, mostly, I found them interesting. The problem is lately there is very little that I find interesting. Well strike that, I should say I find very little of what I used to find interesting, interesting. Which has left me in a weird limbo state trying to rediscover some shit about myself, for example I could care less about rap music. I don’t think I have listened to a rap record in almost two years. And it’s not that I don’t enjoy it, I love writing it, I love making it, and I love performing it. I just don’t give a shit about it anymore.

I find it happening with people that I used to spend a lot of time with. It’s not that I have any animosity towards them, or any sort of bad feelings. I just don’t really have an interest in hanging out with them. I’m more interested in being around people that offer something new, whether it’s an idea, a way of life, or just conversation. I still love them all to death I just don’t care. Does that make sense?

Maybe I’m just getting old. It could very well be a symptom of maturing, although I feel quite immature thank you much. Whatever it is it’s definitely thrown me for a loop. So many of the bedrocks of my life seem to be shaky or gone now, even New York City, which I once loved feels like it has nothing for me. It feels like its time to move on, there are so many other places where I feel more at home. Which could be a symptom of living the majority of the last 4 years on the road I very well might have a wanderlust that hasn’t been satiated in a while. Who knows?

If I had a plan I imagine things would be different, I would probably have been married to a woman I didn’t love then and I’m sure I would like even less now. I definitely would have never met any of the people I have grown to call friend, or in some special cases girlfriend. And I definitely wouldn’t have travelled the world and saw the potential to feel more at home somewhere else than I do in NYC these days. Of course I could have ended up being quite happy with my life not knowing what I now know.

On to the questions and as always you can send any questions, requests or disgarded under-garments to timlaska@yahoo.com:

Do you like movies now a days? If so, which do you like to see the acting or the millions of billions of dollars put into the action?

William Battle, Waterbury, CT

Well William I’m game for either really as long as they are done well. I will pretty much watch any movie as long as it doesn’t involve a montage of a woman trying on dresses for a wedding to the song Walking on Sunshine by Katrina and the Waves or a bunch of drama geeks singing about high school.

Mr. Timillionaire,

I was recently set up on a date with a young goddess by someone whom I thought was a friend. I made us breakfast burritos at my house and then we walked to a coffee shop and stopped to talk in the romantic shadow of the LDS temple in Salt Lake City. At some point during our satirical tirade on Mormon sexual practices (ever heard of floating?) I developed strong feelings for her and resolved to further seek her favor. We parted cordially and I made clear my intention to again seek her company.

A few days elapsed and I came up with the brilliant idea of crafting her a mix-tape displaying my fine musical tastes so that she might grow fonder of me even whilst we spent not our time together. I now realize the folly in including a track called "John Wayne Gacy Jr." by a Mr. Sufjan Stevens Sr. Indeed, I recognize the folly of creating a mix-tape after only the first date. What seemed like a game-closer has turned out to be a game-ender. It has now been over a week and my negligent love interest still has not made any attempt to initiate communication. Last night I sent her a text along the lines of: "Is it because I'm poor?"

I fear I may have forever lost her.

Makena, Salt Lake City, UT

Makena,

While I don’t advocate mixtaping as a practice, sometimes inspiration takes over and you go for it. I don’t think your mistake was making the mixtape, it might not have been the best move but it wasn’t a fatal mistake. The mistake was getting caught up on a girl after one date. Granted Mormon’s and their premarital sex practices such as floating/soaking, or giving up the butthole to stay a virgin are hilarious on the level of a madcap Chris Farley romp, and the fact that she found it as amusing as she should have does not mean you should have fallen head over heels for her.

That said we have all been guilty of it at one time or another. My advice is chalk it up as experience. If she couldn’t appreciate the musical majesty of Sufjan Stevens then fuck her. She isn’t worth your time. Let her go. You are better off. And if she does end up coming around I say grudge fuck her and be done with it.

Hi, I did a tour flier for Hanger a few years ago (a contest that I won) and met you at one of your shows out here in Phoenix (well Tempe to be exact) at the Clubhouse while on tour with El) and I was just wondering by any chance if you or anybody you know may be in the need for some future graphic work? This may seem cheese ballish for me to be asking this but hey there aint no harm in asking right?

I'm not looking to any form of payments or to make $$$ off of this but to simply get the chance to get my name and work out there in the hopes for some possible potiential future work with others.

If not then no big deal, I completely understand 100%.

Respect,
-Jelts

Jelts did some flyers for us back in the day and did pretty good work. He didn’t have a question but I told him I would post his email and give his email address incase there is anyone out there looking for someone to do some design work brokenartist@hotmail.com

Dear Alasky's Favorite Things.

defcon — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 17:22:35 -0400

I have been racking my brain trying to come up with a topic to discuss in today’s Dear Alasky and honestly I’m fucking stumped. I am tired of hearing about the election and the economy. The baseball season is over and I went three out of four in my picks, unfortunately the team that lost was the team that I picked to win it all. Sorry Cubs fans, one day you will win and I hope it’s sooner than later.

Now that I have become America’s seventeenth leading online advice columnist catering to rap fans I feel like its time to take a page from Oprah. That’s right readers its time for a few of Timlasky’s Favorite Things

(Cue the screaming and crying white women).

Unfortunately we do not have any major media sponsors so you are stuck with whatever the fuck I give you. That said I promise you won’t be disappointed and if you are tough shit.

Let’s start with the wonderful world of television. Over the past few years many of our favorite shows have either ended their run or have just turned to shit. Others such as Lost are on a long hiatus working on what promises to be another amazing season. To tide you over I recommend the following shows:

It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia:

Easily the best comedy in years, it follows five miscreants as they drink, sniff glue, huff paint, and embark on some of the most incredibly stupid journeys ever put on the small screen. Enjoy this scene from the episode Sweet Dee’s Dating a Retarded Person

Madmen:

Set in the early Sixties Madmen follows the exploits of the mysterious Don Draper the head of creative at the Madison Avenue advertising agency Sterling Cooper. The show was created by Matthew Weiner who was an executive producer and writer for The Sopranos and it has been called the best show on television by critics and fans a like. In addition to amazing acting, storytelling and style the show has a bevy of beauties that harking back to a time when women had curves and tasteful discretion was the lay of the land. Enjoy the above picture of the lovely and voluptuous Joan Holloway...

Finally, The Sons of Anarchy:

This is about a fictional motorcycle gang in the peaceful town of Charming, CA. It took an episode or two for me to really get into this show but now it is a must see. It does for motorcycle gangs what the Sopranos did for the Mafia

You can catch all the episodes here

That’s enough television for now, too much will rot your brain. Let’s move on to books. I know what you’re saying “But Alaska book learning if for queers and nerds” not true my friends, it’s also for Indians. However, we aren’t talking about math and science, we are talking about graphic novels and comics. Anyone who knows anything knows that only nerds like comics, Indians and queers are actually allergic.

The Preacher:

Created by writer Garth Ennis and artist Steve Dillon The Preacher follows the exploits of preacher Jesse Custer on his journey to find God and make him answer as to why he abandoned mankind. The book is filled with sex, violence, sacrilege and more violence. The story is layered and exciting. I recommend the shit out of it.

Y: The Last Man:

Created by Lost writer Brian K. Vaughan, Y: The Last Man is the story of Yorick Brown who is the only male to survive a plague that simultaneously kills every man on the planet. Society is plunged into chaos as infrastructures collapse and women are left to deal with their lost fathers, husbands, sons and the understanding that society is doomed to extinction. See what happens when half the earth’s population suddenly vanishes. It’s the shit.

Finally let’s finish by talking about music, I haven’t been listening to that much lately outside of the first two Iron Maiden albums which I heavily recommend. I have been spending much of my time listening to talk radio and podcasts. The two that I enjoy the most are Smodcasts by Kevin Smith and Scott Moshier and The Adam Carolla Show. Smodcast has insightful discussion on not so insightful topics and The Adam Carolla Show is chock full of good interviews and non-stop laughs. You can download both of these for free from the podcast section of iTunes.

On to the advice, and remember you can send your questions, concerns, pipe bombs and creative writing samples to me at timlaska@yahoo.com:

Who do you think has had a bigger impact on Def Jux currently, The Mighty Underdogs or Dizzee Rascal and who's style you feelin more?

William Battle, Waterbury, CT

Good ole William. Well William I haven’t heard either album yet. What I have heard of Dizzee I enjoy, but when his record dropped I was taking sometime away from the rap scene to figure some shit out. What I have heard I have enjoyed. As for The Mighty Underdogs I like the individual pieces so I’m sure the collective stew is going to be a tasty sound treat.

Dear Alasky,

We make "hip hop" music. Admittedly, this is a cliche attribute in the year Oh! 8. I feel that myself and my "crew" stand alone amongst our generation. Our music doesn't sound like anything else, but at the same time it does. It's creative, it's art, its everything we have ever heard mixed into a big steaming pot with a dash of angst. Anytime it's played for people with a drop of musical taste, they suck it up. Obsessive even. So confidence isn't the problem.

The problem is that we are starting to feel crazy. Like the last sane people standing around scratching our heads. Is my generation lost? I am 22...when you were 22 did you feel like there was no hope for your generation? I hardly ever hear a group, or artist, making something original. It's rare for me to find a cd that I can listen to for more then two days. Shit, it's hard to even make it through an entire cd now a days.

You would think making a great cd would be the answer. It's not. It's almost impossible to get it in the hands of someone with stature. I don't blame them...they need to build up walls because there are so many RETARDS running around thinking they will be the next Slug. We don't even want a hand out...or to be put on, or whatever it is kids what now a days.

What do you do after you make an DOPE album, self release it, put on shows by yourself, network as much as possible in Oh! 8, and your nearing the brink of insanity? Everyone says "hustle, do shows locally, you will get noticed and then comes tours". no no NO! From what I can see getting on those tours is all about nut hugging. It's not like we are going to stop...we love doing what we do. Every day, no joke, it's nothing but music. Making it, listening to it. It's not going to stop just because we don't get the attention we crave...but at some point we have to ask if we are missing the boat. Right now just seems like the perfect time...there is a heavy drought and we have the ag-wa. No lie.

Should I just fly out to El-Ps doorstep and ask him humbly to listen to the album so I can find out if I am crazy? Is my generation lost? Was I born in the wrong year? Are we too straightforward with people? Should we lie and tell people with stature that their last album was dope even though it wasn't? Should we pound a beer with a rapper in the hope he will toss us a bone two years down the road?

I know that is a million questions, but when in our situation venting just happens naturally. Last week I had this same conversation with a 9 year old kid at the bus stop. He almost called the cops on me. Help.

Botzy - Your local loco lyrical loose parts in thoughts "rapper"

Botzy my man. You are way too stressed for a twenty-two year old. The fact that you are putting out records and promoting and throwing your own shows at age twenty-two puts you way ahead of the curve. Unless you want to be on a major label nobody is going to put you on. Everyone that tells you that you have to create your own thing is telling you the truth. Putting out a cd right now, especially independently is going to get you very little traction because nobody buys cds. It’s fucked up out there. If you love music like you say you love music become friendly with the idea of beating your head against a wall and constant frustration because that’s what you have in store for the next few years. Look at all the indie labels you see out there right now. None of them are now or have ever signed people they didn’t already know. Everyone on Jux has known each other for years, same as Rhymesayers. You need to start your own network. You need to find like minded people in other cities and trade shows. Set up small runs for yourself with those people. Crash on floors. Cram into a van. Or in some cases a car. Do not expect to make any money off the first few tours. You aren’t crazy, your generation isn’t lost, you are young, filled with angst and you want the success that you see people like El, Aes, Slug, etc having. They all went through the same growing pains. Sadly if you want to make the music you want and want to have control of your career it’s the only way to go, and it’s in no way guaranteed.

Dear Alasky Gets Interviewed

defcon — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 15:54:17 -0400

As mentioned last week in this installment of 'Dear Alasky' we will have our first ever guest contributor. Our good friend William Battle from Waterbury, CT has won the right to interview me in this column. I asked William to tell us a little about himself and he had this to say:

Well, I've been in the undergrind ever since 2005, before it was The Beastie Boys and Slim Shady. But then I was looking for new style, better style when I was 15 playin Tony Hawk games. Ever since Mr. Lif's I Phantom I was hooked. I started getting underground CDs, mostly Mr. Lif, Murs, and Can Ox then I started to get even deeper into underground music mostly Def Jux listening to the label more and more. People at school called me weird when they listened to some of my underground music but I didn't care because underground is the best. Through 2006 I was listening to underground hip-hop everyday. Around 2007, I was old enough to go to my first rap show it was at The Fillmore in NY and El-P was the main act, along with Hangar 18 (Awesome Dudes), Slow Suicide Stimulus (Cool Dudes), Despot(Couldn't Meet Him), Yak Ballz(Cool Dude), and El-P(Wish I Met Him) after I created my Alias "Def Jukie Will" which is an internet indie DJ with more than 1200 underground songs on my page and growing. I've basically put most of the underground rap music on imeem. If anybody looks for underground rap on imeem my name will probably come up. Def Jux is my all time favorite label and its filled with cool dudes, it is where I feel home is at. Now, in 08 I see all these mainstream rappers and I don't even know who half of them are because through 05,06,07 to now I been living in my headphones.

OK so let’s get started with the questions.

10 hard hitting questions for the interview.

Question 1.

Gossip: When I went to Toad’s Place for the Aesop Rock Tour, and I was chatting it up with Todd Westphal outside and he told me that your group “Hangar 18” is on some sort of hiatus or something. Is this true?

It is. We have been touring and recording non-stop for 4+ years now. We decided back in May to take some time away from Hangar and just live life. We were pretty uninspired and it felt like things had run their course. Ian has been taking time off, spending a lot of time with his family. I took a lot of time off and did some serious binge drinking. As of late I have been working on some solo projects. I have three EPs in the works. Ian is wrestling with the idea of doing an EP himself. I wouldn’t hold your breath waiting for a new Hangar project or tour. It will be a while before we go down that road again. At the same time I would never count it out.

Question 2.

Game Style: If you were going to use a beat in a new song and the beat had to be a beat from a video game on any platform in any era what would it be?

Shit I haven’t played any video game other than Madden is some time. I remember wanting to use samples from the first Resident Evil on Playstation. So, probably that.

Question 3.

Hypothetical: If you were given the opportunity by El-P to choose any rapper on Definitive Jux to be part of your group Hangar 18 who would you choose?

I’m going to take the any rapper on Jux past or present approach and go with Murs. I think his approach to music and his sense of humor on track is similar to ours. He would fit in perfectly with the happy go lucky Hangar motif.

Question 4.

Recommendation: I am still in high school and I plan on going to New Paltz College to be an intern at “Def Jux”. Do you think this would be a good move?

Well New Paltz and Def Jux are about a two hour and a half commute from each other. So if you were going to do it at the same time I would say no. I do think that going to New Paltz and interning at Jux are both good moves especially if you want to work in the music industry. Interning at a place like Jux could be very good because it’s an indie operation and you would be able to get involved with a lot of different aspects of the projects. Going to New Paltz is just good fun. It’s a good learning environment and a very fun town with a lot of things to do. Plus Wind and I both graduated and so did Yak. We actually went up there and shot some video. Here is the footage:

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

Question 4.

Personal: When you were growing up in NY, what’s the worst thing that you ever did and how much trouble did you get in?

I grew up about 45 minutes north of New York City. I wasn’t much of a trouble maker as a kid. I was more the class clown type of guy so maybe few wise cracks here and there and maybe detention for being disruptive. The worst thing I ever did was probably stealing a bowling ball from a bowling alley and then throwing it down a huge hill. I never saw what kind of damage it did and I never got caught.

Question 5.

First Time: When you were just getting into the underground rap scene and you had your first show, how did you feel and did the crowds feel your style?

The first show we ever did we got a great response. It was at the Nuyorican Poets Café at an event called 'All That!' The show was hosted by Bobbito Garcia from the Stretch and Bob show. The crowd was awesome, the response was great. We thought we were the cat’s pajamas after that show. So we went back the next month thinking we were stars and proceeded to get booed off the stage. It was probably the best thing that ever happened to us.

Question 6.

Current Events: Recently, you mentioned that you will be coming out with your very own album, what can you say about your first solo EP?

Well as I mentioned earlier I have a few projects in the works. The one that is closest to being finished is a 5 song EP about the journey through depression. The second one called 'Fuckthatprettyboyshit' which is going to be more of a typical MC fare. And the final one is going to be about relationships. I still don’t know what I am doing with any of these as far as how they will be released. I’m considering releasing at least one of them as a free download. They will definitely come out one way or another. I have to see what they are looking like when they are complete. I might leak a rough track or two through the blog, who knows.

Question 7.

Inspiration: Who was the very first rapper if anybody that inspired you to become a rapper yourself?

Big Daddy Kane made me fall in love with rap, Del made me want to rap. His first album 'I Wish My Brother George Was Here' is the album that made me pick up a pen and try to rap.

Question 8.

First Greetings: How did you and Ian and DJ Pawl meet for the first time?

I met Ian up at New Paltz. There was a group of us rapping up there one of whom was Ian’s best friend from high school. Ian used to come up from time to time and we would all rhyme together. Eventually the three of us formed Hangar 18. The other guy quit rapping when he got his girlfriend preggers. Ian and I kept on. We were already part of Atoms Family by then. I met Pawl through Nasa, the old Def Jux engineer. I was throwing a show, and Nasa made the introductions. PawlPawl and that got Ian back into the mix. From there we started work on the MPDA (the Multiplatinum Debut Album). Here is a link to one of the early Alaska solo tracks I was working on with Pawl. It’s unmixed and kinda awful but whatever. Enjoy. gave me a beat tape I gave it a listen and really liked what I heard. At the time Ian was student teaching so he wasn’t too focused on making music. I started doing some solo stuff with

Question 9.

Advice: What advice would you give to a man who was dumped by a chick after about 4 years?

Well assuming that man was still in high school I would say don’t stress it too tough. I know it sucks but realistically you weren’t going to end up together. I would suggest putting her out of your mind and work on yourself and the things you love doing. Focus on the things that make you happy and know that she is in no way the be all end all of your life. You will have tons of relationships some good some bad. Chances are anyone you date for the next 10 years isn’t gonna be the person you marry so don’t get to worked up about them when they end. Look at your high school, college and early post college years as a time to really explore and find out what you like in a woman. It will help you avoid dating people for the wrong reasons.

Question 10.

Alternate Reality: If you were living in an alternate reality where you’re not rapper, what do you think you would be doing besides rapping?

Comedy. I always wanted to be a comedian. I love comedy and I definitely plan to give it a shot.

Those are my questions I hope they’re hard-hitting enough.☺

They were.

We will get to your questions on the next installment of Dear Alasky. As always you can submit any questions, concerns or racist hate mail to timlaska@yahoo.com

Dear Alasky goes to The Playoffs

defcon — Thu, 2 Oct 2008 15:36:49 -0400

Already October is upon us people and it is my favorite month out of the twelve. Here in the Northeast, the leaves are starting to change, giving us a magnificent tapestry of color for our eyes to feast upon. The air is brisk and, for my money, women look amazingly sexy during this time year. It’s probably the Fall fashions. While I appreciate the more scantily-clad summer styles, something about how a woman dresses in the Fall drives me nuts. That might be a hold over from spending my childhood in Amish country.

I always associate October with my mother’s apple pie--which to this day is the greatest apple pie I have ever tasted--and of course playoff baseball. What could be more American than forcing apple pie down your throat while sitting on the couch watching overpaid athletes participate in the greatest sporting event ever? That’s right. There is nothing more exciting that post season baseball. It’s like the World Cup, the Olympics and an Eight is Enough marathon all rolled into one, only better. Where else do you get to watch fat, middle-aged, white men dress in baseball uniforms and occasionally pick their noses in glorious high def?

To honor this amazing tradition, I present the first annual Timlaska’s MLB Playoff breakdown. This year looks to be a very exciting post season. The Chicago Cubs are in the playoffs and many see them as the favorite. The Cubs historically suck and have not won a World Series in a hundred years. Little known fact: John McCain was the batboy for that team. Also for the first time in fourteen years, the New York Yankees will not make the post season. The Yankees have the highest payroll of any team in Major League Baseball and it’s good to see the American pastime has taken the same approach to success as the American financial markets. There really is nothing more American than baseball!

Let’s start with the National League: in the wild card round we have the Chicago Cubs vs. The Los Angeles Dodgers. The Cubs seem to be a ball club that is cursed to lose in the most heartbreaking ways. This year the Cubbies have one of the best teams in the league and blowing a series this early in the post season is no way to destroy your already fragile fan base. I say the Cubs take this one in four. If you are a gambling man I would take the over on L.A. manager Joe Torre nose picks, which Vegas odds makers have set at seventy-three.

In the other wild card series, we find the Milwaukee Brewers vs. Philadelphia Phillies. Philly fans are another tortured fan base but that’s just because they live in Philly and wear sweatpants everywhere. The Brewers, or the Brew Crew as their fans call them, have two of the fattest players and 45,000 of the fattest fans in the MLB. I’m gonna have to give the edge to the Phillies. I don’t really have a reason for this since I haven’t paid a lick of attention to either of these teams as they are non-factors.

So that means it’s the Cubs vs. the Phillies in the NLCS. While the Cubs haven’t won a World Series in a hundred years, it’s been well over twenty-five years since any major sports team from Philadelphia has won a championship. The collective futility here is amazing and matched only by the Democratic Party. I don’t see the Phillies being able to keep up with the Cubs in this series. The Cubs will win the series in five games and represent the National League in the World Series.

As for the American League, I am happy to say that the Boston Red Sox are still alive and have a chance to defend their 2007 World Series title. They are taking on a very stacked Anaheim Angels team that they’ve historically owned in the post season. I see this trend continuing in the 2008 playoffs. The Angels hold up worse in the post season spotlight than Sarah Palin does under the scrutiny of Katie Couric. The other wildcard match up is the Chicago White Sox vs. Tampa Bay Rays who were formerly known as the Devil Rays but got rid of the Devil part of the name because people from Florida are religious and stupid. I see the Rays taking this in a sweep.

That means we have an ALL East match up in the ALCS, and while the Red Sox look like the better team on paper I expect the Rays to take this series. They have played better all year long. This should be a huge series for the Rays who will shatter attendance records. Sadly it will be all Red Sox fans. Rays win in six.

So it looks like the Cubs vs. the Rays in the World Series. This should be a no-brainer, a lesser Rays team wins because the Cubs choke when it really counts. Much like Democratic candidates in the last two Presidential elections. But this year is different. The Cubs have all the pieces they need to win the series and will take it in a sweep. Congratulations Cubs fans! 2008 is your year.

Now on to the advice.

Dear Alasky,

I'm an old hip-hop head, I've been listening to the musical genre for years - since listening to Kurtis Blow at my friend's 10th birthday party. I bought tapes, then bought CDs, went to shows, wore fatlaces, the whole shit. Now I'm approaching my 37th birthday which by rap / hip-hop standards is like ancient for a fan. So I ask you Alasky - When is it no longer cool to enjoy / support good hip-hop? A lot of my friends stopped going to shows, stopped trying to find the good shit when it comes to hip-hop, just stopped caring.
Now I go to shows and I feel like I'm 20 years older than half the crowd - which most likely I am. But I also would've regretted missing some of the killer shows that have come through my area. I've enjoyed seeing Aesop Rock & Lif, Brother Ali, El-P with the wonderful opener Hangar 18, and Little Brother live at the Cradle in Carrboro, NC. In fact, that Hangar 18 group put on quite a good live show and one of the guys - I think his name was Alaska - was very cool to me and sold me the Donkey Show CD for like $3 which was all I had left after all the beer (I was the old dude in the Jam Master Jay shirt). But I digress . . .
Again I only seek out the good shit and usually avoid anyone with 'Lil or Young/Yung in their name, but again I ask you Mr. Alasky.
When is it too old to be an old hip-hop head?

thanks,
Toast, Parts Unknown

Good question. I have been wrestling with the same question myself for a while now, and the conclusion I’ve reached is that you are never too old. As long as you still enjoy yourself, that’s all that matters. It’s easy to get caught up on the age difference and feel a bit out of place, but fuck it. Just don’t expect the scene or the music to cater to you anymore. If you find things you like, great, but for the most rap music is a youth culture and it is gonna be infused with younger ideas that you may not always agree with. That is one of the burdens of getting old. It’s also one of the blessings; you can look at things more objectively. It should no longer shake you to your very core if your favorite rapper does a song with Brooke Hogan. Enjoy what you enjoy, most people in their mid-thirties pretend to find joy in playing a round of golf and doing shit with their families. I call those people liars.

I have a problem. The time has come for me to apply to a university, but reading your initial blog post has made me rethink the idea of actually going.

Five years ago I was an underachiever until one day I kind of woke up and became an overachiever. Ever since then I've always thought if you can't go to a top university then there's no point in going to uni at all. But these last two years were the two years in which I actually needed to get good results to go to a good uni and well..I got lazy and my results are shit.
Since I was 11, I've always wanted to be a lawyer..I watched all my friends go through the bullshit of trying to figure out what exactly they wanted to do with their lives with a smile on my face because I was always convinced I'd end up prosecuting some corrupt corporate suits who'd line my pockets with a fat sum from their bottom line. And I figured going to university was the only path I could take to get there. But now I don't even know if I wanna actually be one anymore. I've talked to people who went into the law thinking they could revolutionise it and somehow inject some kind of morality into it only to find themselves swamped with clerical work. And I guess I've become disillusioned with it too.
So I'm really at a loose end I guess. I don't know what the hell I want to do and I don’t know where the hell I want to do it. I'm reaping the bullshit I sowed, and I'm coming to accept that but I never had a contingency plan. People always talk about school not being for them..but I had the ability to achieve..I just never used it...and I really don't want to go to some second rate university. I have one more year of school..but I don't think I can turn around my results in time. Any advice?

p.s. Sorry for the long email.

W.H,(I’m assuming the UK since W.H referred to college as University)

That’s quite a conundrum you find yourself in WH. I am assuming you are about 17 years old, which is good because you have time. You don’t need to figure out your entire life in the next few months, despite what people tell you. While I understand your confusion, I wouldn’t necessarily deviate from your plans just because the road seems a little less sure. For starters, don’t let other people’s situations dictate your own. Most people find themselves in positions that are lower than what they originally hoped for because they settled for less at one point, and made it a habit. I know many people who went through law school only to find themselves at a soulless, shitty job because they needed a paycheck to pay off their law school loans. Granted, you will have to eat shit from time to time to get to where you want to go. Nobody just starts where they want to be. Even in rap music, ask anyone on Jux. We all went through it, got our asses handed to us in battles, played shows to two people, made songs that just sucked. It’s a process, you have a goal that you want to achieve, well what is that goal worth to you and what are you willing to sacrifice to get there? Most people aren’t really willing to take the risks it requires to get there so they settle and then blame the system or the world. So if that’s what you want, don’t let anything get in the way of it. You might have to take a longer route to get there, shit you might not get there for twenty years but if it’s worth it you will stay true to that course. The journey to the goal is equally and most times even more important than the goal itself.

Now if you are convinced that you no longer want to do this, take some time and figure out what it is that you want. When I wrote about college it was a bit tongue in cheek. I don’t actually think college is bad, I think doing things just because people say you should is. It’s your life, nobody else’s, so figure out how you want to live it and what’s the best road towards achievement. People will question every decision you make. Be strong enough to tell everyone to fuck off if they get in the way of what you really want to do. It’s worth it.

The final question comes to us from our good friend William Battle from Waterbury, CT. This question marks the 5th time he has been featured in Dear Alasky and he has won the right to interview me in the next column. William’s question is:

Tim, I have been told from my friends that this pic is radical, do you think it's radical? Also is this pic I took at one of your shows a good one?

I don’t know if I would call it radical, I would say its more boss. The picture of our show is fucking radical.

That’s Dear Alasky for this week. Remember you can send any queries or complaints to timlaska@yahoo.com.

Until next time, Mahalo.

Dear Alasky, It's The Economy Stupit

defcon — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 16:08:38 -0400

So it looks like America is broke. Luckily for me, I have a marginally lucrative career as a rapper to fall back on. Unfortunately, not everyone in America is as lucky as me, and the rag-tag groups of unemployable merry men whom I run around the country with make enough money for gas, food, and the occasional drink. It’s a good thing I got used to being broke years ago and I have a marketable craft like rapping. I also know how to clean, gut, and cook a fish. So when the Great Depression 2: Electric Boogaloo starts, I’ll be just fine thank you much.

Sadly I cannot say the same for all of you working saps that got comfy in your cushy jobs, sitting in your ergonomically correct chairs and putting 15% of your pre-taxable income into your 401K. You might as well have used that money to light oversized novelty cigars. It’s fucked up and I feel for you, shit I used to be one of you. I worked a job that I hated for years, but one day I finally wisened up, said “fuck that shit,” and left. Granted, it was because I can rap better than 95% of the population, but let’s face it: It’s 2008, and just like there is no money in rap there is also no money in being an American.

Times like this make you nostalgic for the halcyon days of the late 90’s when the dot com bust seemed like the end of the world. American business took that highly successful business model and applied it to things that matter like housing and banking. Thanks to the forward thinking of these innovative business men, we are no longer tied to pesky things like our homes and money.

So you are probably asking, “What the hell are you talking about, Alasky?” I am suggesting that now is the perfect time for you to live your dreams. What is it that you really want to do with your life? Ever wondered if you could make it in the big leagues? Wish you finished that degree in Native American Women’s Studies? Do you want to start a circus for cats? Have you always secretly wanted to be a performance artist standing on your front lawn, painted silver with sparklers in your pee-hole? Now is the time. Seize the moment. You are surely going to be laid off in the next month or so. A discarded deposit can is worth more than the dollar. Your car, home and high-end electronics will undoubtedly be repossessed by creditors and your life savings has been lost by the banks. What the fuck do you have to lose?

You would be amazed what people will put up with for entertainment while they spend what little money they have left on booze to forget their problems. Now is the time to strike, because problems are at their highest point since 9/11 and our most cherished brew is owned by Germans, which means stronger alcohol content.

So stop feeling sorry for yourself and live the life you always dreamed about.

On to the e-mails:

You have just won £500,000 pounds in our Monthly Online Uk Promo,contact Mr. Pinkett with your Name,Address,Phone,Sex,Occupation,Age,Country.Email: mr_pinketgriphin03@yahoo.co.uk

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Looks like my money worries are over.

Contact our fiduciary agent for claims with:

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This is to inform you that you have been selected for a cash prize of
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Fill the below:
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6. Sex: 7. Nationality: 8. Country of Residence: 9. Telephone Number:

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-Stella Ellis, Spamantonio, UK

Talk about a fucking windfall!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Winner,
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PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO THIS EMAIL ADDRESS SEND YOUR DETAILS TO prizeclaimdept_uklot@hotmail.co.uk FOR YOUR CLAIMS

-Kimberly M. Dulle, Spamish Harlem, UK

Holy Fuck! I will never doubt the power of The Secret again!!!!!!

Tim, Do you think I have too much Def Jux Shit or not (Keep in mind I have more shirts and more underground CDs)

and What do you think what I did to the Weatherman Symbol?

-William Battle, Waterbury, CT

Well, William, considering that I did not see a Hangar 18 shirt or the confirmation for the pre-order of my first solo EP (which has yet to be recorded), I would have to say your collection is still incomplete. As for the Weatherman symbol, I think you were very creative in you choice of font.

Readers, I don’t know if you are aware of this but William has been a part of every Dear Alasky since we opened it up to readers. Much like the Cosi Sandwich Shoppe, we offer a rewards program to encourage reader loyalty. If William is featured in just one more Dear Alasky, not only will he get his very own Dear Alasky column in which he gets the privilege of interviewing me, he will also get a medium Iced Coffee. Good job William.

I want in on dat dope game'

-JT Wilkens, Parts Unknown

Have you learned nothing from watching Boyz N’ the Hood?

Well that’s all for today friends. Remember if you ever need advice or want to send naked pictures, email them to timlaska@yahoo.com. No fatties.

The Daily Jux for Thursday September 4th

defcon — Thu, 4 Sep 2008 17:03:19 -0400

Today brings news of many goings on with your favorite Jukies,

First off Aesop Rock posted a blog about the newest track on his Myspace with a group called Folk and Stress out of LI. The album comes out Sept. 20th, but catch Aes' guest spot with the guys here, track is called Quiet.

Mr. Lif has been doing some globe trotting lately, and posted a blog to let you know all about his latest capers and hijinks, out of which comes a new song with Seattle artist Grieves. The track is called Irreversible, click here to check it out.

Hangar 18 gets graphic!! Check out their new comic series with a special appearance by a cartoon Rob Sonic!!

Finally check out El-P's latest in a rare political endorsement, read it to believe it.

Dear Alasky (Gets Political)

defcon — Thu, 4 Sep 2008 11:43:54 -0400

After watching the Democratic National Convention last week, I realized that I have not given enough back to this country which has given me so much. Where else in the world can a man from my humble roots rise to the ranks of a second-tier rapper on a premiere independent rap label? Only in America baby...

So I have decided to throw my hat into the ring and announce my candidacy for President, right here in this column that I write and about nine people read. I have not picked a running mate as of yet, but more than likely she will be a leggy gal with a few tattoos so we can lock up that Suicide Girl demographic and currently, nobody is speaking out for molested girls with father issues, so it might as well be me.

Here at Team Lasky, we have devised a comprehensive ten-point political platform that we feel addresses all the needs of the world’s only super power/greatest country ever. The last few years have been dark for us Americans and I believe I can bring us back to our former greatness, even if it means putting the Japanese back in interment camps for what they did to our boys in Pearl Harbor.

1. The Economy – Shit’s fucked and selling CDs on the corner ain’t gonna fix that.

2. Education – Kids need to stop being pussies. We plan to bring back bullying, shaming, andmaking kids run laps when they fuck up in gym class. I also promise that if anyone talks about teaching Creationism in the classroom, we will ship them to the Japanese interment camps

3. Crime – I’m tough on crime. If you are convicted of a felony under my new super-repressive regime, your prison sentence will look like this: ten years minimum, first five years of which you will work your fucking ass off chain gang style. Second five years, we will educate and train you so that when you are released into the community you are prepared. We will work within the community to make sure you are given a job with a livable wage. However, if you fuck up and commit another crime, we have a strict no mercy policy and you go away for life. If you don’t like it fuck you, I will have you framed.

4. Healthcare – I am putting a ban on Purell. I never use the stuff. I only wash my hands after I shit and you know what? I’m healthy as an ox. You know why? Because my immune system is used to germs. It’s strong and can fight them off. If you are found with Purell expect some time on the chain gang or in an interment camp.

5. Gay Rights – I say they get all the rights everyone else gets. I will sign a law that allows for gay marriage. There will also be an amendment to that law stating that any rapper who calls someone gay in a battle or on a message board will be put on the public record as being gay, and therefore be privy to all the rights that gays get. See how progressive we are?

6. Abortion – The more, the better

7. Gun Control – All guns will now be painted orange like in the Deep Space 9mm video, so MTV can feel comfortable about the violence they promote.

8. Drugs – I will legalize everything but meth, heroin and crack.

9. Social Security – We are gonna take the money in the current system and buy a ton of meth, heroin and crack, flip it and take over the game for real.

10. The War on Terror – Will no longer take place on foreign soil. Our war on terror will be aimed at anyone who thinks the Bush Administration is competent enough to pull off 9/11. We will find you, Loose Change, even if we have to follow you to the gates of Hell or your shitty apartment in Oneota.

I look forward to leading our country into the 21st century and beyond.

On to the advice! As always, these are real questions sent by real readers. If you need any advice or want to send naked pictures of yourself (no fatties), please send them to timlaska@yahoo.com

Dear Tim,
I recently went to an Aesop Rock Show and I got to meet AESOP ROCK! When I met him I was starstruck (just as I was when I met your group "Hangar 18"!) was this the right reaction?
- William Battle, Waterbury, CT.

I would say as long as you didn’t ask him to sign your tits you are ok.

I've enjoyed your articles that you've posted on Def Jux; I'm also quite fond of your music. I myself have dipped my foot in the realm of Emcee'ing (battled on stage, freestyled in front of crowds etc.) a few times, and I do hope sometime later this year to create my first album (my mic equipment is lacking and I'm in search of beats at the moment). What I'm trying to ask is, how do you suggest I go about promoting myself? I live in London Ontario Canada, and it's quite different I assume then other places you've probably promoted in. However granted reception is good on this album I plan to drop (from the basement, Lol) I'd try to expand were else it'd be promoted. Also if you're curious about my music the link is as follows: http://soundclick.com/mccontractsca (Casually Crude being my latest track)
Thanks for taking the time to read this,
Dan

Well Dan, thank you for the kind words about my articles and music. I’m glad you’ve enjoyed both. Now if you want to promote yourself, I would suggest many of the traditional internet means like soundclick, myspace, facebook, etc, but I wouldn’t count on them doing the job for you. They are completely oversaturated at this point, and getting known strictly off that isn’t very likely unless you are part lesbian and part alien with no marketable skills and a vapid personality like Tia Tequila. As I’ve mentioned before in this column, the best thing you can do is work your ass off getting your music out in London, Ontario. Sell it hand-to-hand on the street, go to every show, event, etc and hand out flyers and CD-R samplers, and sell CD’s at events, too. Take any and all opportunities to showcase your music live. Work on getting on any local radio stations or any DJ mixtapes and internet radio shows people in your area might be listening to. Work with local merchants to place your CD in their stores, even if it’s the local hardware store. Explain your position and see if they will let you leave a few to sell. I wouldn’t worry about anything beyond London for now. One step at a time; once you take of your city you can go from there.

I have some questions.

My neighbors have a dog. I think it is a Golden Retriever. Although a good looking dog the thing whines and bellows loudly day and night. It doesn't matter if it is inside or out, provoked or not, it just yells loud as all hell. The owners obviously don't give a shit since they keep the dog around. What to do?

I also have a problem with the local university's marching band practicing until too late in the evening. An incessant pounding of drums and horn blowing which do not resemble a good Def Jux joint. How can I get some peace and quiet around here?

Thanks in advance for your insight,

Chris S. Ann Arbor, MI

Sounds like you have some serious noise issues. I can only really help you with the dog. You moved next to the college, so I think you are shit outta luck with the marching band. You’re gonna have to learn to enjoy Michigan’s fight song. As for the dog, I suggest two things: first, send an anonymous letter to the dog’s owner explaining the situation. If they refuse to act, enroll in veterinary school, learn the veterinary sciences and then surgically remove the dog’s vocal cords. I hope that helps.

Dear Alasky,
I live in peril everyday, the answer always being so close yet never within my grasp. I want to know, why are you so damn hot and sexy?

Rogue Damsel, Olympia WA
(24 years and waiting to have your children)

I am flattered. Honestly, I couldn’t tell you why I am so damn hot and sexy, but if I was to guess I would say it is a combination of superior genetics, American know-how, German engineering and my continued quest to avoid all things healthy.

As for waiting on my children, once I have them I will be sure to drop them off on your door step in a basket, just like many a Bugs Bunny cartoon.

That’s it for this week. Until next time, remember you don’t have to take any guff from the swine. You know people in high places (me).

The Daily Jux for Friday August 22nd

defcon — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 18:34:21 -0400

You all have a very busy weekend ahead of you.

So lets get right into it....

First off, Hangar 18's long awaited premiere for their Feet to Feet video is finally hitting MTVu's Freshmen 5. Voting started at 12 PM today, so get your vote on by clicking here, or check this out:

watch now & cast your vote

Freebies this weekend include the first installment of The Mighty Underdog's Freestyle series. You can see it on youtube if you want confirmation that its the dopeness but get it here for keeps. And Mr. Lif is back, ya heard? Check out the hotness, click here for details.

In the news, El-P shows off his knowledge of structural engineering.. and Senator McCain is once, twice, 10x the American property owner.

Finally, Aesop ROCKs DC, check out the photos. Get your tickets for the shows this weekend in Columbus and Chicago, it's time for the midwest to bring it. Chin Chin gets to Sunseeking in Maine, be sure to get the party going up north, details here.

(Aesop in DC)

Dear Alasky

defcon — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 15:38:21 -0400

I've always fancied myself a peaceful man. I am not a war-monger or a big fan of fighting. In fact, I hate the way I feel after a fight, win or lose. I don’t like the adrenaline rush that comes from a fight. I always feel like I am going to throw up when it’s done. That being said, much like Clint Eastwood or The Duke, I know that sometimes a man has to fight.

It is an important part of the human experience which has been dangerously eliminated from American life over the past decade or so. I don’t know when it started, but people don’t get their comeuppances any more, and that is a major problem for our country. Maybe it’s because kids started bringing guns to school, or maybe it’s because parents have made our children soft by overprotecting them. I’m pretty sure people bringing guns to school are a symptom of the latter.

Kids are raised today in a bubble of entitlement. They are given participation trophies for playing in a youth soccer league where every game ends in a tie. They are raised in an environment so sterile, their immune systems are weakened to the point that wheat and peanuts can kill them. Teachers are chastised for using red ink because it makes kids feel bad about writing a shitty paper. Parents give their kid’s emotions and feelings so much creedence, that they are now begging young Max or Cody to not hit mommy because it makes her feel bad. On top of that, kids no longer get their asses beat when they act like dicks.

This is one of the biggest problems we face as Americans. Columbine was the first introduction we had to these entitled pricks, and it is only going to get worse. People want to blame this on bullying, or music, or violent video games, but I don’t see it. In no way do I condone bullying. However, it has been around forever. I don’t know a single person who has not been a victim of bullying in one form or another. Back in the day, if a person couldn’t handle the bullying or alienation, they would just off themselves and not take out the entire math club. I blame this change in M.O. on parents raising their kids in this protective bubble of entitlement.

The kids are raised so soft and with so few boundaries that they don’t understand that getting your ass kicked is a natural part of life. It makes you a stronger person. It’s what drives you to succeed and make enough money to buy and sell those bullying motherfuckers, who are now working for the Dept. of Sanitation making $29,000 a year, half of which is going to alimony and child support after a failed marriage to some pig of a woman who used to be the home coming queen. Now she is just a beast who wears nothing but khaki shorts and tank tops with flabby arms the size of Hulk Hogan’s twenty-eight inch pythons.

The Aesop Rock and Chin Chin show [at McCarren Pool] this past weekend inspired this rant. There were no acts of random violence, in fact there was no violence at all, although there should have been. The day itself was spectacular. Wonderful weather, amazing shows by the performers, delicious beer, old friends, and beautiful women. Unfortunately the day was also marred by the self important and oblivious fuckers I addressed in previous paragraphs. Out of the thousands of people at the show, there was a very small percentage that was running around randomly spraying people with water guns. Granted, this is a relatively small offense, but it is a symptom of people not getting their asses kicked. If these swine got socked in the nose a few times as a kid for doing dumb shit, they wouldn't be running through the crowd spraying people who didn’t want to be sprayed with water guns. I promise you, when I am elected King of the Universe, these people will be rounded up and subjected to re-education: getting their asses kicked by the high school football team’s starting QB and the kid that smokes cigarettes in the school parking lot. That’s the Timlaska guarantee.

Now on to the advice:

We only had one question this week, you guys really need to step your game up.

Tim, I live in Waterbury, CT and I think it’s a boring place (for my age of 17) what do you suggest to do for fun?
William Battle
Waterbury, CT

Well William, I don’t know much about Waterbury other than it is the home of legendary whitey rapper Miilkbone, who dubbed it “the Waterburial grounds,” which is super clever. So I hit up Wikipedia to do some research on Waterbury. It is the fifth largest city in Connecticut and the home of such attractions as Carrie Welton Fountain, Waterbury Clock Company, and the TIMEXpo Museum. However none of these thrilling attractions can hold a candle to...

Holy Land USA!
Holy Land USA was an 18 acre park in Waterbury, CT representing a miniature Jerusalem and Bethlehem. It was one of Connecticut’s biggest tourist attractions in the 1960s and 1970s with 50,000 visitors per year. Holy Land USA was built in the 1950s by local attorney John Baptist Greco. The 50' cross was designed and built by Frank Veto Lyman. This steel cross was once lit up purple for Lent and red for the Christmas season. Holy Land USA closed in 1984 and the plaster, wire caves and structures are now in miserable shape. Some local residents wish to see the place restored while others want it razed and turned into a park.

On November 20, 2002, Comedy Central's "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" spoofed Holy Land in a segment with correspondent Stephen Colbert satirically comparing the park to Israel.
The cross is one of Waterbury's most beloved and prominent landmarks. Illuminated at night, it was a beacon seen from many homes and thousands of motorists passing daily on highways below. Pilots even used it for orientation.

    In April of 2008, workmen took down the former cross, which had become unstable from years of weathering and repeated attacks by vandals. The Religious Teachers Filippini, an order of nuns that owns the property, paid $250,000 to have it replaced with a cross that is a little shorter, a bit thinner, but more durable. In addition, the cross is not illuminated like the previous ones instead it is lit by surrounding flood lights.
    On June 18, 2008 the new 50 foot cross was blessed and rededicated by Archbishop Henry J. Mansell. The new cross is actually the third giant cross to grace the site. The original was 32 feet tall and was erected in 1956. The cross was dedicated to world peace in a ceremony attended by 1,200 people in November of that year. It was the beginning of Holy Land. That original cross was replaced in 1968, by a cross of steel girders and plastic that housed fluorescent lights that reached 56-feet into the sky. That cross was dedicated to peace and also to the slain John and Robert Kennedy.
    Today, much of what was Holy Land is in ruins. Broken pavement lines the road winding through the property. Yellow tape blocks access to displays, many of which have been smashed by vandals. While the site is officially off-limits, people still skirt no-trespassing signs to visit.

I suggest you and some friends get together, dress all gothy and hold mock satanic masses up there. Maybe even listen to some Satanic Norwegian Death Metal during the service. If that doesn’t float your boat, then I suggest getting a fake I.D. and you and your buddies cough up some bread for some cheap beer. Bored high school kids have been doing it for years, it’s a sure fire way to make the days go faster until you can get the fuck outta dodge.

As always, if you have any questions or need any advice you hit me up at timlaska@yahoo.com